I am totally bananas over the copywriting team responsible for the latest Old Spice campaign. Let me just state that I have no idea if the people responsible for these magnificent creative accomplishments are male or female. I don’t know if they’re short and fat or tall and skinny or any combination in between. They might be gassy. They could have bad teeth. They could be vegan (just kidding, all you vegans out there!). It doesn’t matter. They’re awesome, and I want to spread my non-sexual, Old Spice-scented love for them all over the internets.

For more Old Spice goodness, scoot over to oldspice.com. The videos are hilarious; the execution of this campaign for a product that’s totally not aimed at me is totally impressive. Plus, the dude who stars in the commercials is the coolest (you can find him on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/isaiahmustafa). Seriously; copy such as “Don’t smell like sunsets and baby powder. Smell like jet fighters and punching.” deserves a holiday or something. Or at least a trip on that boat or two tickets to that thing you love.

dear jen, let me first say that while i made a joke at your expense on my homepage, i think you might be ready to hear what i have to say. you may be rich and skinny but no one’s “just fine” all the time, no matter how many magazines you try to convince otherwise (lindsay and britney, i’m looking in your direction). i bet i’d like you a little more if you dropped the fembot act and admitted that you spent last weekend binging on pizza and ring dings while indulging in a molly ringwald film fest and petting your cat. it would make you real, and i wouldn’t feel so weird for doing it, too (note to self: buy more hot fudge).

sure, you had your heart broken while the world watched, your career goes up and down more than a playground teeter totter at recess and we still have to witness the effects of that stupid “rachel” haircut. i’m betting that a well-meaning publicist told you to put on a happy face and focus on your triumphs rather than your slumps but sister, listen up. this mama suggests you drop the bs and come down to non-hollywood, regular gal level.

i have seen my friends freak out after a dude screws them over (and guess what; none of those dudes even come close to looking like brad pitt, john mayer or gerard butler). i have ridden shotgun while they stalked their ex’s facebook profile for any photographic evidence of the chick he’s now “involved” with. i have stood by their side as we trashed, mocked and hurled voodoo curses towards girlfriend 2.0. we were not kind. we did not smile graciously. we did not pretend to be happy about it. we wanted vengeance, but due to the fact that we are civilians with nothing more than a few social network followers and a bad attitude rather than being international stars of stage and screen, we didn’t experience any sense of accomplishment or closure. you, on the other hand, have the media on speed dial. you, my dear, could be the voice of bitter women everywhere.

we’re a gigantic population, you know. we buy overpriced organic foods in pretty packages, drink plenty of moderately-priced wine (also in pretty packages) and spontaneously purchase a lot of random, unnecessary stuff (look in my closet and you’ll see what i mean). if you shelved the “i’m a strong woman who doesn’t let anything get me down” act, everyone with a product aimed at women our age would be beating down your door with an endorsement deal. yeah, yeah…i know you did a vitamin water campaign a while back, but i’ve certainly never met anyone who drinks that stuff. slap your mug on something a little more exciting, though, and i’m gonna pay attention.

but please…less “love happens” and “he’s just not that into you” and more “friends with money” and “the good girl.” after all, quality really does attract quality…unless you’re not looking for mr. prince charming and you really are just fine – if that’s the case, then you should probably just put the kibosh on answering relationship questions. that whole pollyanna attitude is so not hot.

your pal,
carrie

My latest client is an organization called The CFO Alliance, which is a very nifty group of accounting and finance executives in eight markets across the country. Yes, those of you who know me are no doubt laughing out loud, as it’s no secret that I can’t add without using my fingers and I’ve never even attempted to balance my bank account, but hey, they didn’t hire me to do math, they hired me to develop a brand strategy, conceive a public relations and marketing plan and come up with some brilliant content for their upcoming online community. Get ready, CFOs!

Working with start-ups means that you often find yourself doing things you don’t necessarily love or know how to do. For example, I’ve spent most of my week designing ads for upcoming CFOA events. Luckily, I’m married to an art director, because I’ve never designed an ad before in my life. And today I helped out by making follow-up calls in preparation for an event in Connecticut next week. 57 calls, to be exact. Good times.

As a consultant, I’m hired to do a specific job. All of the details get ironed out in a written agreement before I start a project, but there’s always the expectation that things are going to shift and change a bit during those weeks or months. There was nothing at all in my contract about designing ads, making phone calls or preparing Powerpoint presentations, but these are all things that needed to get done. Sometimes the right thing to do for your client (and the future of your business relationship) is to say yes. As for those other times, a conversation is definitely in order to avoid feeling taken advantage of or disrespected. It’s happened to us all at some point in our careers, which is why I can sit here and sound like I know what I’m talking about (don’t even get me started about the time I was expected to clean up and take care of a girl who got drunk and pukey at an event I was helping out with).

Maybe you’re the President of your company. Maybe you’re a staff director or manager, or you could just be getting your start as an assistant or intern. Call yourself whatever you like (I’m fond of Your Royal Highness, but that’s just me) but don’t take your title too seriously; everyone’s job requires cleaning up messes and dealing with other people’s trash at some point, which essentially makes us all janitors, anyway.

Meditate on it.